too many thoughts, too many things. constantly agitated and on edge. there’s a hyper-sensitivity and awareness to things- i did this wrong, this could have been taught better, i was lost and they could sense it.

this is my life now, that was my life then- in some ways it felt like he was living my life and that is why i feel so mysteriously shaken by this. it is weird to hear about a life (lives?) encountered hazily so long ago in a somewhat random and haphazard manner, and to hear about its premature ending. i find myself googling to know more, to understand who and what and why and where but the facts occlude more than they reveal.

out, out brief candle? yet there isn’t any tragic splendour in life, only a meaningless and random static.

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