i think after all the depression and the emptiness, the seemingly reasonless blue funk, and whining and drama (thank you mindy barkman for pointing out when i do that) and the thinking and the silence– i realise that at the end of the day, it boils down to the same question i faced when i first came here: who am i, in Christ? i can rattle the textbook answers off the top of my head, but at the end of the day in the silence and darkness of night the emptiness remains, and i don’t think i’ve managed to (if i ever have been able to) grasped what it means to take ownership of my salvation.

so, in other words, one year later… i find myself (depressingly) back at ‘go’.