You are currently browsing the monthly archive for October, 2007.
for the first time in a while since last week, i finally have some time to myself. :) the downside about my JTEs (teaching partners) is that they tend to kind of surprise me at the end of a week with an assignment when i normally like to stagger my work throughout the week and leave weekends to myself. but last week i was unceremoniously handed two assignments on friday which i didn’t manage to do on saturday (being the day of the halloween party), and on sunday, being church day and the sabbath. :< so by the time i got round to doing it late sunday night/monday morning, i was zonked. though the lesson plan was a success :) and monday, by the time i finished having dinner with the other tomi!jets, i was so zonked from my late-nighter that i could barely finish my second assignment, and ended up rushing bible study prep in the staff room (which is remarkably conducive.)
so today was a relaxing day, what with no real lessons, and the choral competition in the afternoon. 合唱コンクッル (ga shyuukonkuru) is the annual interclass choral competition that japanese schools have. it’s very interesting,because everyone in the class gets involved, even if (i assume) some are tone deaf. and it’s just cool to see these kids outside of the class, or even outside of the school because they do have such a different attitude and personality. and i find myself with… time O_O
—
so mr m. update. mr m’s tragic family past unfolds.
i go to shogakkou (primary school) once a week, and i rotate throughout the month between three shogakkous. last month, when i was going to one, i had seen mr m. cycling to school– so i’d asked him about it when i next saw him. it transpired that he had a younger brother in primary 5, so when my visit rolled round this month i tracked down mr m and extracted his brother’s name from him.
and his brother. is. such. an. endearing. kid.
he’s definitely got his brother’s attention seeking streak, but he’s still young and innocent and lacking a certain malignance that mr m. possesses. (he looked genuinely awed when i knew his name without asking. he was further impressed when i told him me and his brother were 仲良し-close pals.) he didn’t really look much like his brother though. so as luck would have it, the class i’m assigned to have lunch with is m jnr’s class. so i’m chatting with m. jnr and he asks me how old i am. when he finds out i’m 22, he says–
“ahhh– that’s the same as my otou-san!”
now. otou-san. means father. so obviously, that can’t be right. the kid is 11. his father can’t have had him when he himself was 11. the next closest sounding japanese word is otouto, which means younger brother, which isn’t right either. so i echo–
“otou-san?!”
and m. jnr with his crooked toothed-grin goes, “yeah!” and i must have repeated it a few times looking confused, and some of the more discerning kids (who are smart enough to realise you don’t say things like that to strangers) kind of interject with “yeah! it’s so young!” and gently lead m. jnr away.
and if you, my dear readers (all… 1 of you), are not a discerning kid, basically, m. jnr had revealed to me that his mother was living with a 22 year old younger man, who is not his birth father.
after running this through with mr. m’s homeroom teacher in chugakkou– i found out that yes, she has indeed brought home several men, though this current 22-year-old one has left the house. and also– that mr. m. and m. jnr might be from different fathers. :< and i suppose it is this burden of knowing, of realising that something in your family situation is not quite right that makes a little boy like m. jnr grow up into mr. m.
—
i met mr. m. after learning all this, and deciding to be nice to him for once, i stop my car and roll down my window to talk to him. and mr. m. is bizarrely bashful steamrolling my questions about his brother to mumble, “sensei– where do you live?” so i tell him the neighbourhood and he presses on. but before i can answer, m!girlfriend pops up though, and seeing our conversation goes, “no, no, no, no.” and grabs mr m.’s hand and leads him away from me.
i thinketh the lady doth jealous much.
—
and there are lots of tales about mr m. how he looks almost innocently abashed and ashamed when he can’t spell any of the words in the spelling test; how he yells to me through the window of the staff room, never mind the principal, vice-principal and all the teachers are there too; how he insists i say his name out in class when i ask him to answer a question; how after hearing a fire alert about a house in my neighbourhood loudly proclaims to the whole class that it’s probably my house on fire; how he presses ishii-sensei for the rough location of my house and says with a big smile “今度一行”; how he later says after the weekend (either seriously or in jest, i don’t know) that he tried to find my house on sunday; how he grins and with the “fight-o” hand action goes “ganbatte, sensei” before the staff item in the choral competition; how he is the loudest voice shouting for an encore…
i suppose ultimately, he is an endearing kid, and i am very fond of him. and i wish there was something more that i could do for him. i wish he could know that he was born to be loved, and that he is loved, and love doesn’t come from attracting attention in school, or getting a girlfriend, or hanging out with friends– it is all encompassing, and powerful, and still, and constant.
“What is real?” asked the Rabbit one day. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside and a stick-out handle?’
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you when a child loves you for a long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once like being wound up?” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept. Generally by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints, and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
—
read this in the devotional that en qi gave me, and it moved me very deeply, especially the last part. “once you are real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
today i went to the kendo competition in haruna, gunma. our school’s the city champions (both individual and team), so today was the individual events for prefectural finals– which our girl won (she’s prefecture champion! i’m so happy for her!) and one of our boys was in the top 8 in the prefecture (it was such a close call too.) the thing about individual events is that the team essentially bums around and does absolutely nothing when there are matches that don’t concern us. so some of the girls i was sitting with asked me about mr. s. now, mr. s. is one of my team teaching partners who is pretty cool and funny and westernised, and we get along. mr s. is also the kendo teacher-in-charge. i’m pretty sure we’re friendly enough for him to forgive me for this ensuing extract of conversation.
girls: so– ailin-sensei, do you like mr. s.?
me: uhm, no. -__-
(and at this part, normally kids go “hidoiiiiiii!” or “kawaii sou!” [i.e. "mean!" referring to me, or "poor thing!" referring to mr. s.] at the vehemence of the denial of liking. but instead–)
girls: good, good.
other girls: yes, yes.
me: he’s a bit like an oyaji isn’t he? (oyaji = japanese ah pek, though mr. s. is 29 only.)
girls: yes yes!
female champion: yes! that’s right! and he’s smelly!
me: -dies laughing- yesyesyes! he’s smelly. ohohohohoho!
female champion: he has men’s smelliness! (<– bad translation of what she said but the rough idea is there.)
-laugh-
i really want to go back to york for a trip even though time-wise it’s pretty awkward.
today in church i suddenly thought of elim again, and graham and the sun shining through the windows into the tiny primary school cafeteria where services were held. and just– that gtalk round robin :) thank you, thank you, thank you all. simple “hi”s from everyone has meant a lot to me. i miss you all loads, and i wish i could see you again. -wistful-
ahhhh. disjointed entry. i need to sleep :P
as it is so dubbed by kevin (ah boy).
the teachers speculate that master m. and his ex are back together! i even spotted them walking down the corridor together, when they used to avoid each other like the plague :O
-laugh-
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blessed assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
such a simple turn of phrase, ne, but such a profound statement. it is well with my soul– teach me to say it with conviction every day.
two days ago on tuesday, i was accosted by master m. on my way back to the main school block after leaving the first year classes. he was on the 2nd floor where the third year classrooms are, and he yelled, “WHAT’S MY NAME?” which normally is a prequel to “CALL ME IKEMEN!!!” so i did my usual, “you’re m—– —–” reply, to which this time, with this adorable boyish grin he went “I TOLD YOU TO CALL ME IKEMEN– BAKA!” now, for all you fans of j-drama, imagine that line being spoken in affectionate boyish tones. yes. it is enough to feel awwwwwww.
even if you -have- just been called a baka by a 15 year old.
—-
so today i waltz into sannensei (third year) class feeling all positive about mister m. and he is surprisingly well-behaved until we started the bingo game. shortly after it started, master m. starts to beckon me over. i ignore him, of course. then he starts yelling, “SENSEI! SENSEI! I HAVE QUESTION!!!” while pointing to the worksheet. so i sigh, and i walk over, and master m. asks,
“sensei– do you play sex games everyday?”
… …
so i threaten him with bodily harm and stalk off. and after a while, he beckons me over once more, again claiming he has a question. and after ignoring him for a while, he gets too loud and disruptive and so i go over.
and he asks me the same question again. this time, his baseball buddies crooked teeth and dancho (not real names) are around, and crooked teeth whaps him on the head. and before i knew it, my hand was whapping him too. (as a sidenote, i’m awfully fond of crooked teeth. i think he’s much cuter than master m. taller too. more balanced. and generally more well-behaved.)
and after that, master m. persists in making noise, so i put on my best i’m-an-angry-teacher face and snaps, “urusai, yo.” (noisy, yo.) and master m. seems to finally be aware that he’s gone too far and shuts up for the rest of the lesson. of course, he sulks for a most part of it.
the rest of the lesson is kind of boring. me and master m. reconcile slightly towards the end of the lesson when he finally applies himself, which puts him in a good enough mood to accost me in the corridor after class ends.
—
however, in response to my apparently amazing rapport with master m. ishii sensei (with the trademark ishii sensei smile), tells me more about his family, and how apparently– the dad that just left isn’t even his real dad. his mom has had many remarriages, none of which have worked out, and master m’s academic issues apparently stem from the emotional instability that his home situation is causing. “maybe he finds you familiar.” is ishii-sensei’s line, and i am horrified and saddened and somewhat exasperated with this.
though master m’s hentai tendencies could be explained by a ceaselessly remarrying mother, ne.
—
postscript: i later went to the class that has master m’s ex-girlfriend and baseball buddies. baseball buddies have apparently been tipped off by master m. to bombard me with questions about how i feel about master m. and upon hearing that i didn’t think he was good-looking, ex-girlfried went “HE’S KAKKOI!!!!!!” and was stunned at my lack of appreciation of his finer qualities– i find this terribly amusing. :P
today i went to shogakkou, and i had my first lesson with the special needs’ class. and my gosh, was it an incredible learning experience.
i think i’ve always been uncomfortable with dealing with people with special needs’. it’s wrong, and it’s an unreasonable prejudice, and i try not to feel uncomfortable and be PC about the whole thing, but at the root, and at the core, i am uncomfortable with it. i used to feel that if i knew that my child was going to be born with downs’ syndrome i would abort it. and it’s harsh, and i used to justify myself by thinking that i was sparing the kid the pain of living through this world which is not kind on people who don’t fit the norm, but now i know that deep down inside, i would have chosen to abort it then because i was selfish and i couldn’t bear to sacrifice my life to care for a child like that.
and when it comes to dealing with special needs’ people i struggle with feeling pity for them. i say struggle, because really, to say that i pity them, is to suggest that they are somewhat less than us and deserving of our pity– which is a wholly patronising attitude, and i know it’s wrong, and i shouldn’t feel that way. and that was the predominant emotion at first when i entered the class. but the thing is– these kids really win you over, and you fall deeply in love with them. and i’ve come to realise that really, they are self-sufficient and whole in themselves the way some so-called ‘normal’ kids can never be, and who am i to lord my pity over them.
and there’s a particular boy that i’m particularly in love with. his name is kazuya, and he has a passing resemblance to kevin (the singapore one), though i think that might be due to the crooked teeth. but he is so good and so pure and so kind and so helpful. he’s not attention-seeking at all, he doesn’t try to monopolise your time. he’s happy when you talk to him, but he can also continue on with his own devices when you leave him alone. he works hard, he tries his best. he always participates in class, and he’s confident in his own opinions. and when the kids do jigsaws, rather than do a jigsaw of his own, he helps the youngest kids out with finding pieces and fitting them in. he’s not scared of the regular kids that occasionally stop by, or pause outside of the classroom with patronising looks, and he talks to them in that same friendly way that he does to everybody else.
he’s also a huge naruto fan. :D
and it’s just– when you meet a boy that is good and kind and self-possessed and precocious and yet simultaneously utterly child-like, you just come to feel that, really, one kazuya is worth ten of me. and i’m elated to find out that when he graduates from primary school next year, he’s heading to my middle school, so i can continue to see him. :)
… and looking ahead to press forward for the prize. i suppose that is the prevalent sentiment at the end of the day. yesterday is gone and will never come back.
there’s so much to say about japan. so much has happened, there are so many exploits at school and enkais (drinking parties) to talk about, but there’s no time to organise them into coherent thoughts :(
