You are currently browsing the monthly archive for April, 2007.
or well, maybe not. hahaha. on hindsight, as i curled up on en qi’s bed trying to silence the pounding in my head, it could’ve been a lot worse.
1) i could’ve been alone, or there may not have been nice friendly helpful pedestrians present
2) i could have hit some other part of my head which might have concussed me more
3) i might have had larger (more prominent) grazes on my face instead of my knee. (oh disfiguration!)
4) i might have lost more of my front tooth.
5) i might have lost more than my front tooth.
6) i might have blacked out indefinitely
well– you get the idea lar. it could’ve been a lot worse. considering i escaped with enough consciousness to walk home, with only bruising, a cut lip and slight grazes on one side of my face, and larger grazes on my knee and elbow–oh, and a killer migraine (that can be subdued soon enough with panadol), i must say. i think i’m pretty fortunate. hrr hrr.
on the downside, tis porridge times ahead, yo!
how do you begin?
i feel misunderstood, my friend. i feel wronged. i feel like i need to clear things up with you, but maybe nothing will ever be quite the same again. :\
it’s always the same when i write english essays, slowly slowly my texts get a hold of me. and right now, i feel like i understand why fellini finds it so hard to be sincere, and to be honest. “it is all lies, even if you put us all in it.” alas, alas. it is easy to accept the figures in white in my head. the real person– with all the pent up hostility and despising glares emanating at you– is harder to win over.
—
on the other hand:
me: am i funny, louis.
louis: if you mean funny like the way bread tastes after it is mouldy– then yes.
it has taken me 22 years to finally understand what love is. :)
are evidently different.
me: you know, when girls share, we like to talk about our personal experiences, and our feelings…
louis: what is a feeling? can it be eaten?
uhm.
1. oh, ailin, ailin. when you are simply beastly to someone– you shouldn’t be surprised when someone is actually beastly towards you. these things work in vicious circles after all.
2. ah my friend, my friends:
“I didn’t understand. I didn’t know. How right it is to accept you, to love you! And how simple it is! Luisa, I feel as if I’ve been freed. Everything seems good. Everything is meaningful. Everything is true. Oh I wished I knew how to explain myself. But I don’t know how to say it. So that’s it. Everything is as it was before! Everything is confused again! But all this confusion… it’s me, myself. Myself as I am, not as I would like to be. And it doesn’t frighten me anymore. To tell the truth… what I don’t know… what I’m looking for… what I haven’t yet found! Only this way do I feel alive, and can I look at your faithful eyes without shame. Life is a holiday! Let’s live it together. I can’t say anything else, Luisa… neither to you nor the others. Accept me as I am, if you can. It’s the only way we have to try to find each other.” (8 1/2, Federico Fellini)
if we could walk down the field together again, all of us in white; if i could take your hand in the circle; everybody– in a manic, frenzied, joyous dance.
if i could have only remembered us that way.
i uh, got on the final shortlist for JET.
so pending my med report and criminal report (neither of which should have problems… i hope. :P) and! pending a school willing to take me in (yes! apparently at this stage– it is still not confirmed!) i will be in Japan for 2007-08.
-feels a bit overwhelmed-
aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!
arrrrrrrrgh!
aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhh!
(subtitle: i’m running out of time, my pol essay needs major revision and reorganisation, my english essay is undone, my jap CA4 is undone, and i haven’t started studying for my week 2 exam. next week, 4 days is burnt at a conference– which leaves me with 3 days to write a 5000 word english essay and 2 weeks to revise my exam and essay.)
