i is alives

just a quickie post to apologize for the absence, and to apologize to the many people i’ve been blowing off lately, in particular, cui, yuankai, lin hai… i’ve been crazy busy lately, rushing my entry for SYDA, and i only managed to finish it just this morning to be hand-delivered to theatreworks. and i am really, really tired, and i need to just curl up and vegetate and recharge.

the entry is really quite crap. vague glimpses of lucidity, and even glimmers of luminosity, but it isn’t sustained and it sags quite badly in the middle, and i had no time to polish it properly. only on hindsight do i realise how much of me is inside the work, which is quite disturbing because anyone who reads it now is going to read (and misconstrue) me. >__

i think mentally i’ve been bidding a lot of friends good bye, either physically, or mentally. waved raining off to china, where i hope she’s all right (if you read this, leave a comment), and mentally dismissed a lot of friendships. it’s not really that i’d like to forsake completely these friendships, it’s just that recent interactions only drive in the fact that we have quite, quite different lives now, and quite different philosophies to life. why is it that the sweetest, most acceptive friends that you knew, that could accept you even when you were the most odd character out there have become elitist snobs? it angers me, and perhaps i am no better having judged them the way they judge others, but it is upsetting, and nothing can change that fact.

and as usual to all such posts, if you think i’m talking about you, i probably am not. (or maybe i am, who’s to say?)

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