You are currently browsing the monthly archive for March 2005.
my last seminar with brockbank is over, and i am happy sad and filled with regret. and i was this close to wallowing again, when i remembered jiawen going “well it’s over now” so many mondays ago, and you know what– it’s true. it’s over. i made certain choices and i have to live by the consequences and damnit, it teaches me a good lesson if nothing else.
as much as i like to pin it on circumstances, it all boils down to my own choices in the end, and if anything, next term is a clean start, and i ought to make the most of it.
i have to break this cycle of social ineptitude.
god. my politics essay is now finished, i only have the abstract left, which i can whip up in 10 minutes no sweat later today… but boy. this has been the most tiring essay i have ever. ever. done. and the worst part about it is that it’s not that good. i think i got carried away with quotes and you can hardly discern my meek little voice coughing out an argument… i’ll read it through later and just see if i can rectify this… but i have a funny feeling it can’t be saved unless i re-write the whole thing. O________O
and it’s 40 words too long! the stupid thing! if you don’t count citations in brackets, then i am most definitely within the word limit… -sulks-
my brain feels a bit fried, which would probably explain why this entry is so… disjointed. i’m wandering around my room now dazed with only one bedroom slipper on.
oy vey. need. sleep.
it’s 10.33pm, my machiavelli essay is due tomorrow and stands at 1,026 words (974 to go) and i feel sick to the pit of my stomach.
i’m such a charlatan, you know? and tomorrow i’ll be exposed for the fraud i am and i just feel really bad about it but i can’t be sick anymore, and i know it’ll just become another 2 hours of silence and awkwardness and point asking but i’ll never really say anything smart and everyone will think, “oh, there goes the foreign girl again.” and they’ll just think that i’m weird weird weird wrong mad.
it’s all lies lies lies- stop patronizing me! i am not special and i don’t think i ever shall be. -hysterical-
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knowing how the world’s karma goes around in an endless cycle, i’m mildly worried that this recent spate of good things happening to me may come back to hurt me to claim back this karmic debt.
just came back from my individual recording session for the audio play… and it went incredibly well! i was so worried i wouldn’t be able to deliver, but i cruised through it in an hour and a half, when monica (the director) said everyone else took 3-4 hours to. :D and apparently i did the hardest line in the whole play perfectly on my second try. am so so happy now. though i’m not too sure if this is because i’m naturally undramatic and therefore tend NOT to overact as compared to people with actual theatre experience and dramatic instincts.
and brockbank really liked my last emily dickinson essay. och.
this is going to bite me in the ass some way or the other. i just know it.
